Crises

In class this week we have talked a lot about crises in the family. We talked about what causes it--a pile up of unexpected events that you are unprepared for. We even talked a little bit about coping factors, and the benefits of crises. How it can bring a family closer together, and bring out strengths that you didn't know you had. Throughout this week I have thought about the crises in my own family, and all of the additives. (Even good stress can add to the pileups.) Stress is caused by change, and I have never adapted well to change. After my dad died in 2009, my life has been a permanent state of breakdowns, and anxiety attacks. Too many things changed at once, and my coping technique, and not a good one, was avoidance. I am still avoiding. I have yet to recover from the two years of constant change, five funerals, two births, four moves, and nine weddings later, I am no more able to cope than when people started showing up at our house two years ago.

Conflict and Communication

This week we learned a lot of cool things about communication and conflict. Like for instance, communication takes both a speaker and a listener, who knew...(that sarcasm was not directed at my teacher but at my train of thought.) Communication takes place om two different forms, verbal and non-verbal. Non-verbal is extremely important because it takes the words that you are saying and gives them context. It makes the words "I love you" sincere, or sarcastic, or empty. It really is extremely important.
Another thing that I learned, and honestly had never thought about it, but conflict isn't necessarily a negative thing. For me it always has been a negative in relationships, because I don't do it right. If you have a disagreement and discuss it in caring, thoughtful ways that create an outcome that is good for everyone, it is still a conflict. In some of my conflicts I have been luck to reach an outcome at all. Conflict and Contention are not the same thing. A conflict can be contentious, in fact all contentions are conflicts, but not every conflict is contentious. (I feel like I am back in geometry writing "if" "then" statements.) I don't think grammar held through in that sentence, but the gist is there.
It really was surprising to me to realize this, I even learned that no marriage is conflict-free, so maybe I'm not doing as badly as I thought I was. Especially, if they are right and small conflicts can ease some of the bigger ones. Imagine that, life isn't the fairy-tale we all seem to be aiming for (what a relief, I don't think I would have done well with a Cinderella-happily-ever-after-kind-of-marriage.)